There was a time when I wanted to have sex with someone from every state in the union. I didn't exclude places outside the USA because of no interest, but rather a matter of scope. Now I don't even want to travel to the many states which have never felt my footprint and that's called progress. Too many fantasies make a bloke creepy. For now, the thoughts on how I'll handle oblivion make for interesting pre-sleep consciousness.

Census data say I'm one of 9% of the country according to my age. When you're single digit, you're not anywhere near majority. So here's how to wear that poncho:
Don't push when the sign says pull
First floor nudity has severe limitations
Smile at Demi more than the hemi
Pray because you're always welcome
Personify the new philanthropy by first spreading my pain
Don't always laugh at the mention of Volvo and duty
Disregard the floaters and always squint with aplomb
Channel Solzhenitsyn with every sip of vodka

Here is the big one: Saturate yourself in the warmth of company - you stayed in the right band and if you sucked, there'd be no company

The attendant helping the man buy his fake Christmas tree asks "Are you going to put this up yourself?" causing the man to respond "No, you douche nozzle, I'm putting it in my living room!"